have any of you ever experienced what im feeling right now? or at least what i think im feeling at the moment? have any of you have ever developed weird feelings after meeting a girl for the first time in your life, and even though you have never spoken to her, but you know her name and her contact, and yet fail to contact her? you dont know if she remembers you and you dont know if you should contact her... but you keep thinking of her, and you feel like she is someone who is special?
i met this girl during my university freshmen orientation day... she was in my orientation group (OG)... even though we did have an ice-breaker and some games, we didnt really get to talk to each other... the most we talked was just 1 or 2 sentences... I really wanted to get to know her, but i didnt get a chance to, or should i say i didnt have the courage to do so... the lucky thing was that my OG leader requested that we write down our msn contacts as well as our contact no., so that she could consolidate, type it out and email to all of us, which we all did... from that first day, i couldnt wait to receive that email and add her to my msn list... the list only came on the second night... i added her immediately but after several days, she still hasnt added me... its either she didnt want to accept or didnt have a chance to accept it yet... i kept wishing that it was the latter... i waited and waited... during these days, i kept wondering if i should just send her an sms instead, but my friends were saying that it might just scare her, so i decided to leave it as it is... one night, i finally saw her on msn... i was quite excited, but i didnt managed to talk to her much again... she's on holz in taiwan... that was 3days back... she's back in Singapore, but now she's at the freshmen orientation camp which i am not able to attend due to other commitments...
i have not talked to her since that night, and to tell the truth, i dont know what are the chances of me getting a chance to know her better... she gives me the feeling that she is someone different from the other girls that i havfe met and she leaves a special feeling on me... something that i cant explain... has anyone felt like this before?
the other thing is that im not sure if im ready to start to even think about getting into another relationship again...
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Rob Thomas - Little Wonders
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
i find this theme song from Meet The Robinsons to be very meaningful and true... i think those who have watched this show would understand what i mean... for those who haven, take time to watch this MV and you will get the idea of what its about ;)
*eNjOy*
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Forgetting A Love
Why is it so hard to forget a love that is already over? So many people in the world break up and have problems trying to forget the one they love... Is it because they have fallen to deep into it, or is it because they have put in everything only to see it break apart after all the effort, or is it because they cant find a reason to forget...
i know how it feels because i have been through this before and im still on this path... my friends around me are also suffering from being unable to forget the one they love after the split... a fren of mine broke up with his gf last month after being together for 9months, and when he learnt that she is about to get together with another guy after less than a month, he is totally in shock... he cant believe that his ex-girlfriend managed to find another guy within a month... another fren of mine, she has already split with her ex-boyfriend for almost 9months, but until now she still cant forget him... as for me, its almost 5months since we split and she has found a new love, but i still cant forget my ex...
despite all the things that we have done to try to forget the past, i realised that the harder that we try to forget, the harder it is for us to forget... learning to live with the pain might actually prove to be more useful than trying to forget... accepting the fact that it is over, might actually help us to move on in life... it may not be easy since talking is easier than taking action, but if we do not give it a try to move on, we will forever be stuck in that situation... take a chance to move on and we may find that moving on is not that hard after all... when u learn to fall in love again, u will be able to forget about the past and start looking towards the future...
i know how it feels because i have been through this before and im still on this path... my friends around me are also suffering from being unable to forget the one they love after the split... a fren of mine broke up with his gf last month after being together for 9months, and when he learnt that she is about to get together with another guy after less than a month, he is totally in shock... he cant believe that his ex-girlfriend managed to find another guy within a month... another fren of mine, she has already split with her ex-boyfriend for almost 9months, but until now she still cant forget him... as for me, its almost 5months since we split and she has found a new love, but i still cant forget my ex...
despite all the things that we have done to try to forget the past, i realised that the harder that we try to forget, the harder it is for us to forget... learning to live with the pain might actually prove to be more useful than trying to forget... accepting the fact that it is over, might actually help us to move on in life... it may not be easy since talking is easier than taking action, but if we do not give it a try to move on, we will forever be stuck in that situation... take a chance to move on and we may find that moving on is not that hard after all... when u learn to fall in love again, u will be able to forget about the past and start looking towards the future...
Friday, July 13, 2007
How Inconsiderate Can People Be?
cant slp so i happened to remember about some things that i encountered during the course of the day's events
on the way to my aunt's house this morning, i was on the train taking a rest when loud music woke me up... i opened my eyes, looked up and saw a group of teenagers blasting music from their handphone without considering for a fact that there were actually lots of people who were trying to rest and there were also people who were reading up on their notes as well as people who were trying to make conversation with their loved ones... if they really wana listen to music, shouldnt they use the earpiece that was given to them? or if they really want to blast their music, they should do it at their own privacy isnt it?
when i came back from the airport earlier, i spotted a lady who i think lived in the same block as me was walking out of the lobby with her pet dog... she stopped just outside the lobby and allowed her dog to excrete on the pavement just like that... as if it wasnt bad enough that she had to do it on the walking pavement, she didnt bother to clean up after her dog was done, leaving the excretion on the pavement... what if some unlucky passer-by happened to walk past and step on it... damn inconsiderate i think... i dont think she would want the same thing to happen to her...
splitting up with one's loved is already bad enough, but to have friends who take pleasure in teasing u about it just makes it worse doesn't it... Inconsiderate comments can cause a lot of problems between friends... shouldnt people think about the consequences first before shooting their mouth off to avoid any unpleasant encounters? you dont kick a person when he is already down...
on the way to my aunt's house this morning, i was on the train taking a rest when loud music woke me up... i opened my eyes, looked up and saw a group of teenagers blasting music from their handphone without considering for a fact that there were actually lots of people who were trying to rest and there were also people who were reading up on their notes as well as people who were trying to make conversation with their loved ones... if they really wana listen to music, shouldnt they use the earpiece that was given to them? or if they really want to blast their music, they should do it at their own privacy isnt it?
when i came back from the airport earlier, i spotted a lady who i think lived in the same block as me was walking out of the lobby with her pet dog... she stopped just outside the lobby and allowed her dog to excrete on the pavement just like that... as if it wasnt bad enough that she had to do it on the walking pavement, she didnt bother to clean up after her dog was done, leaving the excretion on the pavement... what if some unlucky passer-by happened to walk past and step on it... damn inconsiderate i think... i dont think she would want the same thing to happen to her...
splitting up with one's loved is already bad enough, but to have friends who take pleasure in teasing u about it just makes it worse doesn't it... Inconsiderate comments can cause a lot of problems between friends... shouldnt people think about the consequences first before shooting their mouth off to avoid any unpleasant encounters? you dont kick a person when he is already down...
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Love
has anyone wondered what does the word L.O.V.E really means... i seriously doubt that anyone really knows its meaning and what it really represents... so many types of love exist in the world that we live in... love between siblings, love between parents and children, love between friends, love between a couple etc...
i would think that love between couples is the one that many people yearn to grasp hold onto, but many fail in the end... who can say that they know all that there is to know about love... who can say that they have experienced all that there is to experience about love... i feel that no one can say for sure that they are better to give advice to others in love matters... true, u may say that a particular person may have gone through more relationships than others... his love experience is indeed more, but have u ever wondered that everyone is different, so how can u say for sure that u know what other people are thinking or feeling... you may advice ppl on how to behave, but you can nv tell anyone who to love or how to love... that is all up to the individual...
many people gets confused between the words love and infatuation... the famous "Love at first sight", to me, it doesnt exist... the more appropriate words should be "Infatuation at first sight"... i dont believe that one can love another just by seeing them for the first time in their lives... its more of an infatuation whereby you are drawn towards that person... this is purely based on looks, but love is actually more that just looks isnt it... its a combination of looks and inner beauty... whats the point of loving someone who looks good but has an ugly personality... many people who decide that they are in love with someone just because they look good, the relationship usually dont last... u need to really understand the person, get to know their personality and character before deciding if he or she is the right person for you... at least this is what i feel...
sometimes, i really admire those who dare to chase after the love that belongs to them based on their feelings instead of using a rational mind to analyse before acting on it... these are the people who are willing to risk their everything for the one person they love... but then again, too much feelings might end up being the one thing that will scar them forever...
in a relationship, the feelings must be mutual... it wont work out if one party is willing to put in the effort to maintain and sustain the relationship, where the other party is the one just taking everything for granted... in the long run, it wont be healthy for the relationship... both parties must be willing to give and take...
how many people can say that they have found the true love of their life... the one person who is the guy or girl of their dreams... that they are equipped with all the characteristics and criteria of their dream guy/girl... that they are the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with...
to me, i dont believe in true love anymore... in this materialistic world, love is no longer what it means compared to the past... maybe its because of a failed relationship, or maybe i just haven met the one for me, but this is what i believe in right at this point of time... love now is just overrated...
i would think that love between couples is the one that many people yearn to grasp hold onto, but many fail in the end... who can say that they know all that there is to know about love... who can say that they have experienced all that there is to experience about love... i feel that no one can say for sure that they are better to give advice to others in love matters... true, u may say that a particular person may have gone through more relationships than others... his love experience is indeed more, but have u ever wondered that everyone is different, so how can u say for sure that u know what other people are thinking or feeling... you may advice ppl on how to behave, but you can nv tell anyone who to love or how to love... that is all up to the individual...
many people gets confused between the words love and infatuation... the famous "Love at first sight", to me, it doesnt exist... the more appropriate words should be "Infatuation at first sight"... i dont believe that one can love another just by seeing them for the first time in their lives... its more of an infatuation whereby you are drawn towards that person... this is purely based on looks, but love is actually more that just looks isnt it... its a combination of looks and inner beauty... whats the point of loving someone who looks good but has an ugly personality... many people who decide that they are in love with someone just because they look good, the relationship usually dont last... u need to really understand the person, get to know their personality and character before deciding if he or she is the right person for you... at least this is what i feel...
sometimes, i really admire those who dare to chase after the love that belongs to them based on their feelings instead of using a rational mind to analyse before acting on it... these are the people who are willing to risk their everything for the one person they love... but then again, too much feelings might end up being the one thing that will scar them forever...
in a relationship, the feelings must be mutual... it wont work out if one party is willing to put in the effort to maintain and sustain the relationship, where the other party is the one just taking everything for granted... in the long run, it wont be healthy for the relationship... both parties must be willing to give and take...
how many people can say that they have found the true love of their life... the one person who is the guy or girl of their dreams... that they are equipped with all the characteristics and criteria of their dream guy/girl... that they are the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with...
to me, i dont believe in true love anymore... in this materialistic world, love is no longer what it means compared to the past... maybe its because of a failed relationship, or maybe i just haven met the one for me, but this is what i believe in right at this point of time... love now is just overrated...
Monday, July 9, 2007
Cycle of Love
"there is a time when after you split u work with ur heart, then after this there is a time when ur feeling starts to become rational, then after rational, there's always a new love"
-a fren-
-a fren-
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Nv Knew Blogging Would Bring New Friends
i always thought that blogging was meant for people to narrate their lives, or for them to have a place to bitch about the uncertainties in life... but never would i expect that by blogging, we could connect with people whose lives are similar to us, who could relate to us... i received an email from some lady who chanced upon my blog, and was in a similar predicament as me... i wouldnt say more about it lest i intrude on her privacy, but lets keep it as im glad that she is willing to share her experience...
hopefully, as time goes by, i will get to know more ppl from different parts of the world, and it would be good if we can move on to being friends...
*ch33rs*
hopefully, as time goes by, i will get to know more ppl from different parts of the world, and it would be good if we can move on to being friends...
*ch33rs*
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Going Crazy
while i was at Jalan Kayu having supper earlier, flashbacks from the past just entered my head... i thought of the time after the Flesh Imp event at Zouk where me, yj, ariane and khairi went to Jalan Kayu for supper... even though it was not the same seat, i still could remember what we ordered and what we talked about... all the laugher and fun we had... then when kel n co were talking about their experiences taking taxis, i thought of the incident during New Year's Day where i was at andrew's house, and yj was supposed to join me at his place after her work... n she had alot of trouble with the taxi and she ended up going back home after much deliberation... all these thoughts just led to more and more thoughts of the times we spent together...
why cant happy times last? will things return to the same?
maybe the next time i go to Jalan Kayu to have a meal, there will be someone else having the meal with me...
seriously speaking... im still looking for a way to let go of things, to forget the past... until then, the past will still be living within me...
its weird that me n eileen can still be talking to each other like nothing has happened before after the split, since many say that once a couple split, its very difficult to be friends... the both of us are behaving just like we were before we got together, very good friends... i guess we never really put in the effort or we didnt exactly see each other as a couple in the first place i guess... to me, this is a good thing... its better to have a friend than a stranger in life...
why cant happy times last? will things return to the same?
maybe the next time i go to Jalan Kayu to have a meal, there will be someone else having the meal with me...
seriously speaking... im still looking for a way to let go of things, to forget the past... until then, the past will still be living within me...
its weird that me n eileen can still be talking to each other like nothing has happened before after the split, since many say that once a couple split, its very difficult to be friends... the both of us are behaving just like we were before we got together, very good friends... i guess we never really put in the effort or we didnt exactly see each other as a couple in the first place i guess... to me, this is a good thing... its better to have a friend than a stranger in life...
What Kind Of A Friend
Imagine u are out with a group of frenz... jz chilling out when a sec fren msgs u to meet up with her for a drink... ur frenz assumes ur fren will be joining them together to chill out... and ur frenz doesnt mind going for a drink... would u sudenly leave with ur other fren to go for a drink and just leave the rest of ur frenz who have been waiting for u alone???
something to think about heh...
something to think about heh...
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Im Still Thinking Of Her
for the past few days, i have been thinking about alot of things... about my life, about my new school term and mostly about her... its been 5mths since we split... i dont know if that is considered a long time to forget someone or is it a short period of time... i always thought that when i find someone else to love, to show my attention to, i will be able to forget the previous relationship... but apparently, thats not the case... no point in carrying on a relationship that i cant give my everything to... no point trying to pretend that i love her more than the previous her... in the beginning, i thought that i could forget and that i truly am ready to start a new relationship... but i guess im not ready for a new relationship... i can only say im sorry to eileen, whom i thought could help me forget yj... sorry for giving you false hopes...
something struck me today, something i nv really thought of until today... i realised that being in love may not be a good thing... i agree that when one is in love, everything is so sweet... u wouldnt want to be apart from the one u love... but when the relationship turns sour, and both split their ways, the pain n suffering is not something that everyone can handle... is the joy n happiness worth the pain n suffering at the end of a relationship? like many people say, the deeper u are involved in a relationship, the worse the pain is felt... i guess that applies to me now... when i think about whether i will have the courage to truly fall in love again, that is something i will never know... but weighing the joy against the pain, i dont think its worthwhile... just like the lyrics in Someday We'll Know, 'True love is once in a lifetime'... how true is that i dont know...
i feel silly, not because i dont think i want to be in a relationship again, but becaues part of me wants to wait for her... part of me still believes that we will get back together, so no matter how long it takes i will still be waiting... that's silly huh... i really dont know... many people will tell me to just forget about her and move on in life just as she has... i know that, and im trying to... its just that part of me that still believes... believe me, im finding ways to keep myself occupied so as not to think about her...
u know how i felt when i first realised that everything was a lie? yea... im still feeling it, if not stronger... i dont know if hatred is a good word for it, or maybe indignant is a better word... i dont hate yj, and i dont think im qualified to hate anybody, but its just the feeling that im unable to find a word for it... im using it as a motivation for me to push myself to make things good... just like my msn nick says, i never knew i could hate for so long... i guess this will pull me through my uni education, knowing that in order to compete, i need to have results...
some people are lucky that they have people they can talk to... for me, i dont know how to tell others what im feeling and pray that they understand... but the truth is, not many people can understand... they can try, but unless they are the ones involved, they can never fully grasp it... i guess thats why i can only blog to let it out, not for people to understand, but for me to let it out...
something struck me today, something i nv really thought of until today... i realised that being in love may not be a good thing... i agree that when one is in love, everything is so sweet... u wouldnt want to be apart from the one u love... but when the relationship turns sour, and both split their ways, the pain n suffering is not something that everyone can handle... is the joy n happiness worth the pain n suffering at the end of a relationship? like many people say, the deeper u are involved in a relationship, the worse the pain is felt... i guess that applies to me now... when i think about whether i will have the courage to truly fall in love again, that is something i will never know... but weighing the joy against the pain, i dont think its worthwhile... just like the lyrics in Someday We'll Know, 'True love is once in a lifetime'... how true is that i dont know...
i feel silly, not because i dont think i want to be in a relationship again, but becaues part of me wants to wait for her... part of me still believes that we will get back together, so no matter how long it takes i will still be waiting... that's silly huh... i really dont know... many people will tell me to just forget about her and move on in life just as she has... i know that, and im trying to... its just that part of me that still believes... believe me, im finding ways to keep myself occupied so as not to think about her...
u know how i felt when i first realised that everything was a lie? yea... im still feeling it, if not stronger... i dont know if hatred is a good word for it, or maybe indignant is a better word... i dont hate yj, and i dont think im qualified to hate anybody, but its just the feeling that im unable to find a word for it... im using it as a motivation for me to push myself to make things good... just like my msn nick says, i never knew i could hate for so long... i guess this will pull me through my uni education, knowing that in order to compete, i need to have results...
some people are lucky that they have people they can talk to... for me, i dont know how to tell others what im feeling and pray that they understand... but the truth is, not many people can understand... they can try, but unless they are the ones involved, they can never fully grasp it... i guess thats why i can only blog to let it out, not for people to understand, but for me to let it out...
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Some Day We'll Know
MANDY MOORE
"Someday We'll Know"
(feat. Jonathan Foreman)
{Mandy} Ninety miles outside your cargo
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why
My question....Need an answer
Two years later your still on my mine
{Jonathan} Whatever happened to Amelia Airheart?
Who hold the stars up in the sky?
True love is once in a lifetime
{Both} Did the captain of Titanic cry?
Oh, Someday we’ll know
{Mandy} If love can move over mountains
{Both} Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Why the sky is blue
{Both} Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t there for you...
{Mandy} Does anybody know the way to romantic?
{Jonathan} What the wind says when she cries?
{Mandy} I’m speeding by the place that I met you
{Both} For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight
Someday we’ll know
{Mandy} If love can move over mountains
{Both} Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Why the sky is blue
{Both} Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t there for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Was in those lilacs
{Both} One day I know
{Mandy} Dancing all in blue
{Both} Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....
{Both} Open up the world
{Mandy} I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
{Jonathan} Watched the stars crash into the sea
{Mandy} If I can ask God just one question
{Both} Why aren’t you here with me tonight?
Oh, Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} If love can move over mountains
{Both} Someday we’ll know
{Mandy} Why the sky is blue
{Both} Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t there for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Was in those lilacs
{Both} One day I know
{Mandy} Dancing all in blue
{Both} Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....
"Someday We'll Know"
(feat. Jonathan Foreman)
{Mandy} Ninety miles outside your cargo
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why
My question....Need an answer
Two years later your still on my mine
{Jonathan} Whatever happened to Amelia Airheart?
Who hold the stars up in the sky?
True love is once in a lifetime
{Both} Did the captain of Titanic cry?
Oh, Someday we’ll know
{Mandy} If love can move over mountains
{Both} Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Why the sky is blue
{Both} Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t there for you...
{Mandy} Does anybody know the way to romantic?
{Jonathan} What the wind says when she cries?
{Mandy} I’m speeding by the place that I met you
{Both} For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight
Someday we’ll know
{Mandy} If love can move over mountains
{Both} Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Why the sky is blue
{Both} Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t there for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Was in those lilacs
{Both} One day I know
{Mandy} Dancing all in blue
{Both} Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....
{Both} Open up the world
{Mandy} I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
{Jonathan} Watched the stars crash into the sea
{Mandy} If I can ask God just one question
{Both} Why aren’t you here with me tonight?
Oh, Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} If love can move over mountains
{Both} Someday we’ll know
{Mandy} Why the sky is blue
{Both} Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t there for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Someday we’ll know
{Jonathan} Was in those lilacs
{Both} One day I know
{Mandy} Dancing all in blue
{Both} Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you....
Feeling Lost
hmmz... i cant help but feel lost all of a sudden... so far im having a reasonably good time... being able to do things at my own time, not having to worry about how my partner will feel, and being able to spend on myself, are things that im finally able to do... maybe its something "new", so thats why i feel a little weird, like something is missing in my life... maybe i will find the answer to it, and i wont feel this way again...
whatever the case is, i will live my life the way i want my life to be... and not how others want me to live my life... this is me...
whatever the case is, i will live my life the way i want my life to be... and not how others want me to live my life... this is me...
Friday, June 29, 2007
It's Over
at last, its over... the issue has been settled... i no longer have to feel guilty or feel bad about it... and i no longer have to spend my time thinking if its the right thing to do... yep... its over between me n eileen... i feel that this would be the best course of action for us now... we arent meant for each other... its over not because we have too many problems, but we just arent made for each other... she's different from me in many aspects... should have seen it earlier, but at least it isnt too late...
for now im going to enjoy my new found freedom... singlehood ;)
for now im going to enjoy my new found freedom... singlehood ;)
Thursday, June 28, 2007
How True
was having a drink with seng the other day, and we were talking about our lives... suddenly, we started to hum some tunes... he then told me something about the different types of singing... basically there are 3 types of singing...
the first type is whereby people sing purely for the fun of it... these are the peopl who meet up with frenz to go singing, be it at home, or to singing lounges...
the second type is people who join singing competitions, and try to mimic the original singers in order to score points with the judges and the audiences...
but no matter how nice it may seem to be, nothing beats the third type of singing... and that is singing from the heart, singing with their feelings totally into the words... these are the people who really know what they are singing, as though the lyrics of the songs are what their lives have been, or even what they are going through at the moment... they are the ones who can bring out the best in the songs, even if they are not great singers...
the first type is whereby people sing purely for the fun of it... these are the peopl who meet up with frenz to go singing, be it at home, or to singing lounges...
the second type is people who join singing competitions, and try to mimic the original singers in order to score points with the judges and the audiences...
but no matter how nice it may seem to be, nothing beats the third type of singing... and that is singing from the heart, singing with their feelings totally into the words... these are the people who really know what they are singing, as though the lyrics of the songs are what their lives have been, or even what they are going through at the moment... they are the ones who can bring out the best in the songs, even if they are not great singers...
Life is a Mess
my life right now is a mess...
im clearing off and leave, but there's nothing much for me to do... tot could find 1-2 days kind of jobs to do, to kill time as well as to earn some cash, but cant find any yet... and i dont even know whether i will be able to clear my leave/off in peace, all the way till i ord... keep getting calls from ppl in camp asking me this and that... just feel so irritated...
i used to think that i should be ok studying accounts and finance... didnt seem too difficult when i first decided on it... now that i looked through some of the modules, i realised that it is not as simple as it seems... im now having doubts about my ability to cope with it... will it be a disaster just like my biotech? but i know no matter how hard it is, i will be able to do well, because im motivated, driven by a reason to do well...
i always thought that in order for me to forget someone is to fall in love with someone else, only then will i be able to let go off the past... but i realised that its not true at all... after the previous relationship, i fell in love with another girl, or so i thought... i thought that she will help me forget the previous relationship, but its not happening... for the past few weeks, i have been thinking if its because i still cant let go of the past, or she's not the one for me... i have been thinking if the best option for us now is to break out, since the time we have been together is not very long... but, its not fair to her as i was the one who wanted it in the first place... but no matter how much i try to think about it, try to come to a decision, i just cant find the answer to my problem... do u know that, if it was my previous gf, i couldnt stand not meeting her for 2 days... i even want to meet everyday if possible... but now, i dont feel anything if i dont meet her... i just dont have the urge to meet up or even call her... can someone please tell me whats wrong and what should i do? i dont want to do something in which i will regret in the future, but i just dont want to drag things on anymore... suddenly, single seems so nice........................................
all of a sudden, i wish i was suffering from amnesia... then i wouldnt have to think about or remember any of these problems... but running away from the problems doesnt seem to be my way of doing things does it?
im clearing off and leave, but there's nothing much for me to do... tot could find 1-2 days kind of jobs to do, to kill time as well as to earn some cash, but cant find any yet... and i dont even know whether i will be able to clear my leave/off in peace, all the way till i ord... keep getting calls from ppl in camp asking me this and that... just feel so irritated...
i used to think that i should be ok studying accounts and finance... didnt seem too difficult when i first decided on it... now that i looked through some of the modules, i realised that it is not as simple as it seems... im now having doubts about my ability to cope with it... will it be a disaster just like my biotech? but i know no matter how hard it is, i will be able to do well, because im motivated, driven by a reason to do well...
i always thought that in order for me to forget someone is to fall in love with someone else, only then will i be able to let go off the past... but i realised that its not true at all... after the previous relationship, i fell in love with another girl, or so i thought... i thought that she will help me forget the previous relationship, but its not happening... for the past few weeks, i have been thinking if its because i still cant let go of the past, or she's not the one for me... i have been thinking if the best option for us now is to break out, since the time we have been together is not very long... but, its not fair to her as i was the one who wanted it in the first place... but no matter how much i try to think about it, try to come to a decision, i just cant find the answer to my problem... do u know that, if it was my previous gf, i couldnt stand not meeting her for 2 days... i even want to meet everyday if possible... but now, i dont feel anything if i dont meet her... i just dont have the urge to meet up or even call her... can someone please tell me whats wrong and what should i do? i dont want to do something in which i will regret in the future, but i just dont want to drag things on anymore... suddenly, single seems so nice........................................
all of a sudden, i wish i was suffering from amnesia... then i wouldnt have to think about or remember any of these problems... but running away from the problems doesnt seem to be my way of doing things does it?
Friday, June 22, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Going Thru Some Problems
problems for me never seem to end... just when i can see the light, i see more problems appearing... been doing some thinking recently... alot of thoughts keep entering my mind, and until now i dont have the answers to my doubts...
recently, i realised that singlehood isnt as bad as it seems... i seem to want to be single now then to be attached... maybe its because im tired of relationships already... all the unhappiness, all the doubts, all the hurt that relationships cause, im just too tired... maybe its because i cant convince myself to put in my 100% into the current relationship... after 2 failed relationships in which i gave my all, i just cant afford to subject myself to get too emotionally attached, lest the pain it might bring in the future...
when i look at the people around me already starting to earn money, i just cant help but feel useless... here i am, still stuck with studying while they are earing their own pay for themselves... feel hopeless =(
recently, i realised that singlehood isnt as bad as it seems... i seem to want to be single now then to be attached... maybe its because im tired of relationships already... all the unhappiness, all the doubts, all the hurt that relationships cause, im just too tired... maybe its because i cant convince myself to put in my 100% into the current relationship... after 2 failed relationships in which i gave my all, i just cant afford to subject myself to get too emotionally attached, lest the pain it might bring in the future...
when i look at the people around me already starting to earn money, i just cant help but feel useless... here i am, still stuck with studying while they are earing their own pay for themselves... feel hopeless =(
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Something To Ponder About
Something to ponder about:
i had a friend who once told me, there are 2 types of girls.
the first type is those who doesnt care who she ends up with as long as she knows that her partner is able to support her and give her a family. She doesnt care if she is really in love with her partner at all.
the second type is those who puts love above material needs. Even if her partner cannot afford to give her anything, or is a nobody, she just loves him for who she is.
-= i wonder if this is true =-
i had a friend who once told me, there are 2 types of girls.
the first type is those who doesnt care who she ends up with as long as she knows that her partner is able to support her and give her a family. She doesnt care if she is really in love with her partner at all.
the second type is those who puts love above material needs. Even if her partner cannot afford to give her anything, or is a nobody, she just loves him for who she is.
-= i wonder if this is true =-
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Reality and Dreams
Why does reality always differ so much from our dreams? is it because dreams are just what we wish things to be, and thus is not possible for them to happen? or is it because dreams are just lazy thoughts that we wish for it to happen to us? just like people say dreams are beautiful while reality is harsh... none of us want things to turn out bad for themselves, no one wants to be unhappy, so maybe thats why dreams exist... maybe its just something we can fall back on should reality be too much for us to handle... somewhere for us to hide and recover from our setbacks... how often does our dreams really come true?
the world in which our dreams lie, is so much different from the world in which reality resides in, dont u think so? i dont think the world that we so much wants to see, wants to live in, wants to be in, has wars raging on in parts of the globe, has poverty, has loved ones taken away just in the blink of an eye... there is so much more that we dream of having, but its just the opposite of whats happening in reality...
take love for an example, who in the world doesnt dream of finding the one they really love, hoping that the latter also feels the same way they feel towards him/her... how many wouldnt dream of spending the rest of their lives happily and blissfully with the ones they love... but in reality, how many couples are able to withstand the obstacles thrown at them along their journey together? how many people are able to say that she/he is the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with... who would want to fall in love someone thinking that they were meant to be, only to separate after time when feelings start to fade and the love starts to become bland...
another example would be money... in most of our dreams, we wished that we were rich... so that we didnt have to worry about having a low standard of living, being able to buy what we need and being able to support our extravagant lifestyle, seeing that in this society now, money is almost everything... without money, u cant afford anything... u wont be able to support yourself not to say a family, u wont be able to live the luxurious life that everyone is craving for and in the end, u will end up with nothing, without love and without a purpose... but look at reality, how many poor people we have in this world... how many beggars can we see on the streets as we walk down each day, and of the beggars, how many of them are kids?
so u see, there's so much difference between reality and dreams... how can we differentiate which is reality and dreams... will our dreams come true one day? or will dreams remain forever as just...... dreams?
the world in which our dreams lie, is so much different from the world in which reality resides in, dont u think so? i dont think the world that we so much wants to see, wants to live in, wants to be in, has wars raging on in parts of the globe, has poverty, has loved ones taken away just in the blink of an eye... there is so much more that we dream of having, but its just the opposite of whats happening in reality...
take love for an example, who in the world doesnt dream of finding the one they really love, hoping that the latter also feels the same way they feel towards him/her... how many wouldnt dream of spending the rest of their lives happily and blissfully with the ones they love... but in reality, how many couples are able to withstand the obstacles thrown at them along their journey together? how many people are able to say that she/he is the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with... who would want to fall in love someone thinking that they were meant to be, only to separate after time when feelings start to fade and the love starts to become bland...
another example would be money... in most of our dreams, we wished that we were rich... so that we didnt have to worry about having a low standard of living, being able to buy what we need and being able to support our extravagant lifestyle, seeing that in this society now, money is almost everything... without money, u cant afford anything... u wont be able to support yourself not to say a family, u wont be able to live the luxurious life that everyone is craving for and in the end, u will end up with nothing, without love and without a purpose... but look at reality, how many poor people we have in this world... how many beggars can we see on the streets as we walk down each day, and of the beggars, how many of them are kids?
so u see, there's so much difference between reality and dreams... how can we differentiate which is reality and dreams... will our dreams come true one day? or will dreams remain forever as just...... dreams?
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Loneliness
never thought i would be saying this... im feeling lonely... the past few times my parents and my sis have gone overseas without me, i have not felt lonely... maybe its because the past few times, there was someone else around to keep me company when they aint around... but now, seeing that eileen and my family are on holiday, im left alone at home... the fact that i have to do duty every alternate day isnt helping much... when i come back the next day after duty, the whole house is so empty and quiet... i used to think that i liked it alot... i have to admit as much as i like to have peace, at times i will still feel the need for someone to be with me... maybe its just like what i told jo the other time, the both of us cannot stand being alone, cannot stand being lonely... we need to have someone with us all the time... be it family, friends or even girlfriend/boyfriend... we just cant stand the feeling of being lonesome...
luckily, eileen will be back on wed, and we can keep each other company from thurs onwards since i have duty on wednesday...
luckily, eileen will be back on wed, and we can keep each other company from thurs onwards since i have duty on wednesday...
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
曹格 - 背叛
背叛
曲：曹格
词：阿丹、邬裕康
编曲：凃惠源
雨
不停落下来
花
怎麼都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人
欣赏悲哀
爱
只剩下无奈
我
一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹著空白
缺了一块
就不精采
紧紧相依的心如何
Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句
Say goodbye
当作最後一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
只要你能愉快
心
有一句感慨
我
还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段
还在不在
曲：曹格
词：阿丹、邬裕康
编曲：凃惠源
雨
不停落下来
花
怎麼都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人
欣赏悲哀
爱
只剩下无奈
我
一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹著空白
缺了一块
就不精采
紧紧相依的心如何
Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句
Say goodbye
当作最後一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
只要你能愉快
心
有一句感慨
我
还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段
还在不在
Why Do I Even Bother
why do i even bother to read it when i know that i will feel miserable after reading it... i dont know how to describe how im feeling now, lets just say it hurts alot...
*CAN THE PAIN PLEASE JUST GO AWAY*
*CAN THE PAIN PLEASE JUST GO AWAY*
Monday, May 7, 2007
F.I.R - 你很爱他
When I Think About The Past
sometimes, it feels good just sitting up in bed with the lights turned off and thinking about things... that sense of tranquility is so soothing to the mind and heart... but sometimes, when i start to think about the past, it kind of dampens the emotions...
i thought that i have completely forgotten about the past, about her, about the times we had spent together, be it happy or sad... things that should have been forgotten, resurfaced again... is it because i have been comparing the both of them, only to find that there are certain aspects that i see in yj n not in eileen? is it because certain things that i love or like can only be found in yj and not eileen? eileen would actually fit the qualities of a girlfriend im looking for. someone who is simple, who doesnt put on any make up or maybe a little, doesnt spend much... she is the direct opposite of yj... but if she is what i have always wanted, den why is it i keep comparing her to yj in terms of things that im hoping for... maybe i need some more time to get over yj completely, but i still want to be together with eileen? i know i like eileen, but i still need time to get over the previous relationship... time is something i hope that i still have... i dont want to think of the past, can i?
seems like a lot of thoughts have been going through my mind these few days...
when i was watching tv earlier, there was an advertisement on a documentary featuring ppl with different talents. this led me to think of the party that yj once attended, one that i regretted letting her go for, but oh well thats not the point... the point is that at that party she told me of all the ppl she met... even though they were ppl who held good jobs, some were very good with drawing, the others had individual talents... den when i think of myself, i just cant find something that im good at... i cant find an individual talent that im proud of myself to have... i cant draw that well, i cant sing that well, i cant do anything well at all... true, alot of ppl are saying that i can give them good advice, im always there to help them, but all these are not a talent... its just plain old me trying to do the least that i can do... i cant think of anything that i can do, that others cant, and there's nothing for me to be proud of myself... maybe im low on self-confidence at the moment... *sigh* will someone please tell me something that im good at? something that i should feel proud of myself for?
i just feel so miserable atm... i want to tell someone especially eileen everything, but who's willing to listen... is she ready to know what has happened, or am i the one whos not ready for it?
i thought that i have completely forgotten about the past, about her, about the times we had spent together, be it happy or sad... things that should have been forgotten, resurfaced again... is it because i have been comparing the both of them, only to find that there are certain aspects that i see in yj n not in eileen? is it because certain things that i love or like can only be found in yj and not eileen? eileen would actually fit the qualities of a girlfriend im looking for. someone who is simple, who doesnt put on any make up or maybe a little, doesnt spend much... she is the direct opposite of yj... but if she is what i have always wanted, den why is it i keep comparing her to yj in terms of things that im hoping for... maybe i need some more time to get over yj completely, but i still want to be together with eileen? i know i like eileen, but i still need time to get over the previous relationship... time is something i hope that i still have... i dont want to think of the past, can i?
seems like a lot of thoughts have been going through my mind these few days...
when i was watching tv earlier, there was an advertisement on a documentary featuring ppl with different talents. this led me to think of the party that yj once attended, one that i regretted letting her go for, but oh well thats not the point... the point is that at that party she told me of all the ppl she met... even though they were ppl who held good jobs, some were very good with drawing, the others had individual talents... den when i think of myself, i just cant find something that im good at... i cant find an individual talent that im proud of myself to have... i cant draw that well, i cant sing that well, i cant do anything well at all... true, alot of ppl are saying that i can give them good advice, im always there to help them, but all these are not a talent... its just plain old me trying to do the least that i can do... i cant think of anything that i can do, that others cant, and there's nothing for me to be proud of myself... maybe im low on self-confidence at the moment... *sigh* will someone please tell me something that im good at? something that i should feel proud of myself for?
i just feel so miserable atm... i want to tell someone especially eileen everything, but who's willing to listen... is she ready to know what has happened, or am i the one whos not ready for it?
Thursday, May 3, 2007
There She Goes !!!
haiz... 3weeks... thats how long she will be in france visiting her mother... how i wish she didnt have to make the trip... at first, right up till i was on my way to meet my family today for dinner, i didnt think that it was really such a big deal or that i would feel lonely without her around for 3 weeks... but when she started msging me while having dinner, did i realise that i will definitely miss her when she isnt around... i already started missing her as we msged... 3weeks, i told her is not a very long time, it will pass very quickly... i wonder if im trying to assure her or m i trying to convince myself... luckily, i will be real busy with camp stuff this month so i wont have enough time to accompany her as well... so i should prolly be thankful... i really hope she will take care of herself while she is there and that we would still be able to msg and call each other regularly...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)