I Really Hate It

i just cant stand the fact that ppl keep things from me, esp if its someone close to me... and of all ppl, it has to be her... haiz... its bad enough that she wants to keep things concerning me from me, and yet she has to tell me abit and not tell the rest, saying she will tell me in the future... the sms she sent are so sweet, so close, but when we are face to face, its totally different... i just cant help but be bothered by what she does... sometimes when things are so obvious, she tells me she doesnt know, but i know that at times she is just pretending... im tired of always having to take the initiative to do things... can she for once take the initiative? :(

Now Im Not So Sure

hmmz... i was playing my game yesterday night when she suddenly msged me on msn... she asked how i am, what i have been busy with and if i met any new girls... i told her i was alright and that i have been busy with camp stuff which is partly true... but i didnt wish to reply her if i have met any new girls... i dont know why but somewhere in me doesnt want to tell her that i have already found someone... is it because i still have not completely forgotten about her or is it something else which i dont know? i was so tempted to ask her how she n kelvin is getting on... i know that if i ask that, its because i still cannot let it go... wo hao bu gan xing !!! haiz... but i really want to know how she is getting on... but im in no position to care or do anything about it... if u ask me if im still worried for her and if i still care for her that much, i would say yes... maybe im still hoping that things might work out in the future... but i feel guilty cause i already have someone else with me now... haiz... such a headache...

sometimes i really dont know if she means what she says, or if she is just playing around... i just wish that she would really say what she is feeling atm instead of telling me other things... on sms, she can be open, but when we are face to face, i nv get to hear the things i want to hear... haiz... are all the girls like that? its the small little things that count...

Screw May

next month i got to do 10 duties, and its all thanks to my boss... shit boss with even more shit instructions... i dont recall anyone who is still slogging away when they are only a few months to ord... haiz... saf is so screwed up...

luckily she wont be around for most of may, cause i will be so busy that i wont have time to accompany her much... but the bad thing is that i will prolly need someone to cheer me on to endure it and she wont be around... my family will also not be around as there will be going on holiday from early may to the end as well... haiz... just as well bahx...

i dont want to tell her too much of my problems as she gets emotional very easily... just like we were having dinner just now and she started to cry... i asked her why and she told me because she saw me like quite sad but she cant do anything to help... haiz...

u know, i just wish sometimes my girlfriend would take the initiative to do certain things, but sad to say that hasnt been the case so far... maybe its because we just started, so hopefully things will get better... certain stuff need not be said, but if it isnt said out, then i dont know how the other party is suppose to know... haiz :(

1 Week Le :D

haha... we are together for 1 week already... went out quite often this week... heeX... really enjoyed the times i spent with her... but then again, i also get home quite late... haha... sianz... everyday we seem to be getting closer n closer...

but then, the constant sms is proving to be a strain on my expenses... last month's phone bill exceeded by another $30 even tho my plan is $60/mth... haiz... 1000+ sms and 300+ min of talk time... haiz... need to cut down lehx... but i feel uneasy not smsing her regularly... haiz... how how how???

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!

well... first of all... let me say that i didnt plan on letting her today, especially not asking her about it today... but it just came naturally... maybe its the mood, maybe im too impatient, thats why i did what i did today? haha... but luckily things went fine ;)

this is the first time i ever asked a girl in person... the rest were either thru sms or msn... yea... so i was kinda nervous and stuff... haha... luckily she didnt make it even more embarassing for me than i had to be... lolz...

hopefully this time it will work out just right... maybe it will help me to regain the lost faith that i have... maybe it will make me believe in things once again...

Finally Its Out

i finally kinda told her im interested in her on the way to her granny's place... well she said to see how things progress before we both make a decision again... so im kinda glad i let it out after deliberating for some time, and that she didnt reject on the spot... at least now there's a good chance i feel...

anyway... here's a recap of yesterday's events:

didnt actually have much plans for yesterday... was just waiting for seng or my camp frenz to confirm with me if going out or not... then she msged me on msn telling me that her frenz were not going to meet her, so she was kinda bored and didnt want to waste her public holiday at home... so i asked if she wanted to go out... she wanted to watch a movie so we decided to catch Meet The Robinsons at marina square at 6.40pm... we met up at 4pm... shit lor... bertram saw us at city hall station... lol... anyway we went round hunting for her new phone then had dinner at subway... she thought the footlong wasnt that big but ended up she had trouble finishing even half of it... lol... anyway the movie was good... we got the couple seat as i thought it was no difference as there was the hand support in the middle... but surprising the middle support was gone so yea... it was kinda awkward at the start but then it turned out alright... took a walk around esplanade and the merlion at fullerton there... then we went to harborfront since she wanted a place that faces the sea and has a place to seat... and since she was going to her granny's place so i thought it was a good idea... we had fun playing in the shallow pool... just taking a stroll in the water was nice... haha... we talked about alot of things... somehow she seems to be troubled but knowing her, she wouldnt tell any1... hmmz nvm bahz... hopefully she felt better after talking about other things... we wanted to look for something to eat after chatting but then everywhere was close le... harborfront really pathetic lehx... its suppose to be a tourist area but there are no 24h food centre around... grRrR... we took a slow walk to her granny's place... took a cab back from there...

i really like the feeling and atmosphere yesterday... maybe thats why i told her about how i feel bahx...

Convo

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
lol but tts not answering my qn wad

Lonezstar™ says:
huh

Lonezstar™ says:
what qn ?

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
the"do u tink girls r complicated" qn

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
haha

Lonezstar™ says:
uhm... u got ask me that qn mehX ?

Lonezstar™ says:
lol... uhm anyway

Lonezstar™ says:
ehhhh... i also dont know how to ans u lehX

Lonezstar™ says:
personally, i feel that girls can get really complicated

Lonezstar™ says:
its kinda hard to know what girls really want... but yet sometimes its obvious... lol

Lonezstar™ says:
its like say a guy is going after a girl... the guy wants to know if she is interested in him, but she
sends out mixed signals

Lonezstar™ says:
does that count ?

Lonezstar™ says:
lol

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
er ya counted

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
but depends on situation oso ma

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
i never believed tt someone's interested in me until he says so

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
coz last time i keep tinking ppl interested in me

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
hahaha

Lonezstar™says:
lol

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
then like tt very paiseh wad

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
haha we plotting sth against our fren

Lonezstar™ says:
uhm

Lonezstar™ says:
u say u dont believe that someone is interested in u unitl he says so

Lonezstar™ says:
but then again, if he tells u he interested in u, how will u react

Lonezstar™ says:
maybe he doesnt want to get rejected so fast

Lonezstar™ says:
or maybe he wants to wait until the time is ripe before tellin u?

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
errrr dunno leh

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
haha i dun hav much exp in tt

Lonezstar™ says:
lol

Lonezstar™ says:
lets just say a guy tells u that

Lonezstar™ says:
how will u let him know if u like him or dont like him

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
erm

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
see how he tell me la

Lonezstar™ says:
o.O

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
tt time my classmate is

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
he say if i noe wad he gg to say and dun wish to hear it then dun meet him at someplace

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
so i didnt go

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
haha

Lonezstar™ says:
uhm

Lonezstar™says:
so u know what he going to say lar ?

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
er ya

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
but i dun dare go also la

Lonezstar™ says:
uhm ok

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
but i was right ma

Lonezstar™ says:
then what would be a positive way

Lonezstar™ says:
lol

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
err told u i dunno le

Lonezstar™ says:
lol ok ok

-=- [ Eileen ] -=- says:
haha

uhm... uhm... i dont know...

-=Confused=-

i keep having these weird thoughts these few days...

what if one day while im walking home, and when i arrive at my block downstairs, i see her waiting there for me, telling me that it was all a mistake and she wana get back together... that it was all her fault in the beginning and she should nv have requested for the break... if that happens, what will i do?

when i think about it, i realise i dont have an answer for that... i dont know if its possible for us to get back together after all these time... i know i did make a promise to her that should she wana return, i will be there waiting... part of me wants to keep that promise to her because somewhere deep inside of me still have feelings for her and wishes that she will be back one day... but another part of me is telling myself that its not worth it, cause it might just happen again since it could happen the first time, its also telling me that i should move on and that there is someone better waiting for me somewhere...

how how how how how how how how ???

Not So Confident

hmm... im getting mixed signals regarding how u feel... true that we have been msgin each other very often, all the way till u go to bed... but somehow u still seem distant... maybe still need some time... just like what jo n hs say, i stand a good chance... but i guess it needs more time... i really enjoy talking to u, sms-ing u, going out with u... and i wish to be able to do more than that with u... but i dont know if im ready for a new relationship, or are we ready for it... khai is telling me not to let the past hold on to me, and not to let it affect my decision to go into a new relationship... haiz... hopefully we will be able to spend more time together and see where it leads us to...

So Fun :D

haha... i really enjoyed going out with her yesterday... so long i nv enjoy myself le... managed to find out more about her... i would say yesterday was quite fruitful bahX... heeX... hopefully next time will have more chance to go out together...

as usual, once we start msging, we cant stop until she or me goes to bed... lolz... so we started msging this morn all the way till now... haha... some things to ponder about...

"ya at home le, i went to a nearby cinema ma... haha, then what u wish to eat, i promise u'll get to eat it soon..."

"uhm i wish to eat abalone, sharkfin etc....... no lar, just kidding... what i actually wish is to have dinner with someone"

"lol then what am i suppose to do?"

"uhm have dinner with me?"

"haha but dont u find it inconvenient to come all the way to jurong juz for dinner?"

"no arhX... the most u come over pasir ris for dinner then i show u around or we meet somewhere in the middle, but i seriously dont mind jurong"

"haha wkdays, i cant go so far, i'll get tired, too late i also dont dare come back le"

hmm... is there a hidden meaning? i dont know :S