New Address

hey :) i've decided to change to wordpress after much deliberation... to continue viewing please view http://lonez.wordpress.com/ .. thX :)

Should Promises Be Kept?

should promises made be kept no matter what?

Pretending To Be Someone We Are Not

caught "I Now Pronounce You, Chuck and Larry" last night with 2 friends... there was one phase which really caught my attention: "Its hard to pretend to be someone we aren't"... isn't it tiring and difficult to try and be someone that we are not? if it is, then why is it so many of us keep on trying to be someone we are not day after day, time after time...

we always try to be the person that people want us to be... ever since that day, i have not been myself... been miserable and too many problems kept appearing, and i had to keep on fighting against what i really felt, but im so tired of it... im so tired of having to keep pretending to be the person im not... im really tired... im mentally and physically exhausted... can i take a break from all this? will i be able to be myself once again?

I Dont Believe Anymore.........................

If you believe in it, then it is there...
If you dont believe in it, then it isn't there...
Unfortunately I no longer believe in it.............................

Trouble? Problematic? Complicated?

seems like i always fall for those who are trouble, problematic and complicated to say the least... at least, thats what most of my friends tell me... somehow they always have these bare characteristics... *sigh*

I Guess........................

I guess the movie date isnt going to happen... lets just take it that i never asked and drop the whole idea... not going to end up anywhere...

Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant

Movie: Music and Lyrics
Artist: Hugh Grant
Song: Way Back Into Love

(Feat. Haley Bennett)

Haley:
I've been living with a shadow over head
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

Hugh:
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
Ive been sitting aside time,to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

Chorus
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love

Haley:
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
Ive been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that its out there
Theres got to be something for my soul somewhere

Hugh:
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

Chorus
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to again
I guess I'm hopin' you'll be there for me in the end

Haley:
There are moments that I don't know if its real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

Chorus
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to again
I guess I'm hopin' you'll be there for me in the end

Bogged Down by SO MANY Stuff

recently so many things have been happening and i haven yet have time to really sit down and think about it...

zouk was a memorable night, but i think something did happen on that night but i not sure what it was... maybe thats why things are like this now... but then again, i could be thinking too much again... how is it that things can seem to take a sudden twist, or am i thinking too much also... after so many attempts at relationships, i just want to give it a rest already... im too tired and i really dont want to feel the same way that i did the last time and i dont want to keep getting the wrong signal anymore... i get too emotional... and thats something i want to get out of... when i first thought of the nick Lonezstar, it was because i knew what it meant and i always thought that its true... and look what its proven... can i just drop the whole idea and just stop myself from falling again? lets see if anything happens during these few days before i decide on anything... from there i shal see how to proceed...

i think i have said this many times before... I MISS MY OLD SELF!!! THE HAPPY-GO-LUCKY ME!!! THE ONE WHO NO MATTER WHAT WILL WEAR A SMILE ON HIS FACE!!! THE ONE WHO WILL NEVER LOSE HIS COOL!!! I WANT MY OLD SELF BACK!!! is it too much to ask??????

when i see my frenz feeling down, i cant help but feel the same for them and i end up making myself miserable as well... especially when i see my close friends getting bogged down my r/s problems, by sch work, by work at the office etc... sometimes i wish there was more that i could do... but all i can do is try to understand what they are going through and offer some words of comfort...

im now stuck with considering if i should really work or should i just concentrate on my studies... i really need the cash but im also scared that my studies will be affected... there's no one in my fam who is able to help me with my current course... and the rest are just too busy and i dont feel like bothering them since it has nothing to do with them...

i really need some time to clear my thoughts and sort things out once and for all... hopefully the old me will be back soon... hopefully.....................

M00dy m00dY m00D M00d

feeling so moody now... wanted to go out just now with some friends, but at the last moment when everything was confirm, i decided not to go and opted to stay at home instead... *sigh* whats happening to me again? zZzZzZzZzzzz...

these past 3 days i have been doing some thinking... i still cant figure out if she has good feelings towards me or not... i keep getting mixed feelings about it, and the advice given by close friends are also different from one another... i know i should look into my heart and decide if she's really interested or not, but i just cant put a finger to it... *sigh again*

haven seen her online for the past 3nights... i miss talking to her on msn... i wish i could talk to her on the phone or sms her... but i just cant think of an excuse to start a conversation =( hopefully will get to see online or go out together soon bahx...

Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know

Just So You Know - Jesse Mccartney



I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:] J
ust so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]
This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here
[Chorus]

A Chance?

well... i never thought i would be happy to see a friend breakup, but when i heard from her that she has already broken up with her boyfriend last night, i was pretty much over the moon... it immediately lifted up my mood... maybe everything isnt too late after all... and furthermore, she ask me if im free to accompany her go club... i was like "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"... damn happy i say... but there was one problem, i dont like clubbing... i dont hate it, but i just dont like to club... too noisy and very difficult to talk... but then for her sake and for my sake, after much deliberation i decided to go after finding a fren to go with me... haha...

yea... so im back home from zouk... was pretty ok cept for the fact that it was full house and practically everyone was squeezing for space and no one really had space to dance... we didnt get a chance to dance as well... anyway, sent her home right to her door step if u can call it that, den took a cab home myself...

i dont know if i stand a chance or not... sometimes she gives a positive feeling like asking me to accompany her club when we haven gone out together before... and sometimes she gives me a negative feeling, something like being cold... im also not very sure... but she could be like what my friend told me, she's the super friendly type... i also dont know

I Guess This Would Be The End

well i suppose this is the end of another wishful thinking story on my part... i thought that everything was going so smoothly... so wonderful, but i should have known better... happiness doesnt last for me... so this will teach me not to hope for anything and to not believe in it =)

Jesse McCartney: Why Don't You Kiss Her

JESSE MCCARTNEY
"Why Don't You Kiss Her"



Were the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
But lately somethings changed
As I lie awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Oh im so afraid to make that first move
Just a touch and we
Could cross the line
And everytime she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart knows
Hold her close

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

What would she say
I wonder would she just turn away
Or would she promise me
That she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Why don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why don't u tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside...

Happy Happy

been awhile since i felt some happiness in my life... yep yep... im feeling better today... or should i say im pretty happy today =pPp well... my blog cant possibly be only unhappiness and nothing else right? heheh..

everything that i was hoping for today went better than expected... from the time of studying to the point of going home and to the point of chatting on msn... hopefully things will continue to go right... i will post more details when the time is ripe ;)

Turning Unhappiness into Joy

read something from the Newpaper today and found it rather interesting... thought i would share it with you all:

Anyone can be happy. Happiness is a skill that can be taught and learnt.
The first thing we can do is to change the way we think.
We blame our unhappiness on other people or outside things or events.
In reality, our subconsious ways of thinking or interpreting things create our upsets.
Unhappiness is a largely self-inflicted agony.
An identical event - for example, cancer - happening to two people, can trigger completely different responses from them.
One may be unable to accept such an unfair affliction and become stuck in resentment, fear and helplessness.
The other may see cancer as a very common occurence which also happened to her. She proceeds to handle its treatment in a calm, intelligent manner. She sees the enforced down-time as an opportunity to play mahjong - a game she loves but never has the time for.
How could one person be struck in bitterness and powerlessness and another sees cancer as an opportunity for enjoyment.
It is not what happens to us that makes us unhappy, but how we interpret what happened that causes unhappiness.
The actions we take can make the difference between surviving and growing from a challenge or being killed by it.
Without our being aware of it, our minds are incessantly analysing, judging, interpreting and making meanings about everything and everyone we encounter in our lives.
Our ceaseless meaning-making is always unconscious and too frequently, our assumptions and conclusions create stress, unhappiness, fear and powerlessness in us.
The quality and content of our lives today have been created from those millions of unconscious meanings we made about everything. Changing our thoughts ultimately changes our lives.
Study after study confirms that happy people live healthier and longer lives than unhappy ones.
Happiness is not a luxury to be enjoyed only when all the circumstances in our lives are perfect - it is fundamental to our quality of life, health and longevity now.
The second path to happiness lies in changing our personal world - to create the work, activities, relationships, experiences and things which bring us joy, peace of mind, purpose and success.
When we pour our greatest creativity, energy, enthusiasm and love into doing what we enjoy and are passionate about, the ideal conditions for success and fulfilment are right there.

-Wong Chia Siew

Flipping Thru The Old Stuff

i was tidying up my room as it was pretty much in a mess... it was plain to see that there wasnt any place for me to store my new notes... so a thorough clean up was in order... while sorting out some of the stuff, i chanced upon several items...

one of which was a photo album containing the photos me and yj took together for the 3 years that we were together... memories started to flood my mind as i flipped through the pages... all the places that we went together, all the happy times we had, all the funny faces we made, and all the time we spent... i really missed the times...

another item of which is actually a collection of the cards and letters that me n yj wrote to each other... among which were birthday cards, valentine's day cards as well as other letters... as i read through the contents, i could feel the love that we had at that particular point of time...

there were also the presents that she made and stuff that she bought for me... i can understand all the effort that she made to give those gifts... i really do...

after seeing these stuff, i realised how much i missed her... i missed hearing her voice, i missed talking to her even if its on msn, and how i wish i could tell her how much she still means to me even at this point of time... somehow i still cant bear to face her, even if it means just chatting to her on msn... i suppose its because i have yet to get over her...

if someone were to ask me now, if there's anyone new in my life... my answer will be "No"... if someone were to ask me, is there anyone new that you love, my answer will again be "No"... but if someone were to ask me, do u still love yj, my answer would be "Yes"... i think that answers everything doesnt it?

My Horoscope for this Week

Aquarius
[Jan 21 - Feb 19]

You still seem to be hankering after something from long ago. Nostalgia and sentimentality are good things, but don't forget that the past is gone and that the future is bearing down on you rapidly.

--------------------------------------------------

this week's horoscope seems so true for me... keep thinking of the past, wanting something that i can no longer have... should i let it go? but its easier said than done i suppose... whats the future that's quickly bearing down on me also? i wish i knew..............

1st Lady - Never Be Replaced

not quite the MV but at least this has the lyrics and is quite nice

Westlife - Fool Again

another classic song by Westlife ;)

Westlife - My Love

a classic song =)

Friends

i believe that no one in this world can say that they are without friends... some of us have lots of friends while some of us have few friends... it doesnt matter how many friends one have, but its the quality of the friends that counts... when i say quality, i actually mean true friends... friends that will stick with you no matter what happens... friends that will always be there for you, to listen to your problems, your sorrows and friends that will share your happiness with... friends are more than just people you hang out with, go chilling with, shopping with, chatting with etc...

to a certain extend, its easy to make new friends... after meeting once, he/she/they become your new-found friend(s)... but how many of them will be able to be one that you are able to confide in ... how many of them will be able to earn your absolute trust to tell them things that you never think of telling others, and maybe even your family members...

there are no right or wrong ways in which a friend should behave towards another one, as people have different personalities... however the basic attitude that friends should have towards one another should be relatively similar... one thing for certain, friends should be true to another... no point being friends if u cant even be truthful to one another...

as friends we should consistently show care and concern for each other... otherwise, whats the point in being friends? maybe different people have different ways of showing care and concern for their friends, but sometimes it doesnt hurt to be more open about it would it?

close friends arent determined by how long the friendship has been but how much they have been through together... a friend of 1 yr can be closer than a friend of 10yrs...

friends are precious and are almost a neccesasity in life for everyone... no one can live without friends... so please treasure all your friends around you and dont be afraid to show how much you care for them...

Im Still Feeling Frustrated

damn it... im still feeling frustrated as the past few days had been... i seriously dont like the way im feeling right now... i dont know what would be the right word or words to use to describe how im feeling exactly right now, all that i can say is im feeling edgy, frustrated and pissed off at the moment... dont ask me why im feeling this way, cause i dont have a clue at all... i need to sort out my feelings asap and straightened out my life...

2 Little Stories

2 stories for u to read and think about...

there was this boy, he was always struggling with his math subject in his school, almost all the result that he got from his exams were FAIL or BARELY PASS. After Months of Hard Work and advice he got from his tutor, he finally got and 75/100, that may not be a fantastic result, but that was nonetheless a Good result.
He went back home happily, looking for his mum, the moment his mum saw him and knew that the boy got his result that day, she said: " You must have failed again". The boy determined to prove his mum about her mistake, was expecting a apologize from her and a hug from her to encourage him. He took out his result slip to show his mum, but her mum said: "OK, Not BAD", and continued watching the t.v programme.


Sometimes, Life is SAD. Sad in a funny way, because you know that although you are surrounded with friend and family, but they do not really look into you, they will not get truly sad when you get sad, or they do not really get happy when you get happy.
Are they your friends/family? I am SURE they are.
But they may be really just too tired to put too much attention into you, or they are too engage into other people/activities/work/game/themselves.


*eNjOy*

Im Suffocating

i dont know what's going on with me recently... i seem to be on a pretty thin fuse, and i feel so stressed up inside of me if i can call it that... seems to be storing alot of stuff in me, not wanting to let others know... not even those im especially close with... maybe these are times when people say "there are things in life where u have to handle on your own"... maybe these are issues that i have to undertake myself, and no one else is able to help me with...

blogging would seem to be a good way for me to let things out without having to repeat or tell anyone else... i dont need anyone's sympathy and i for damn sure do not need anyone to pity me for what im going through...

a fren recently pointed out a cold hard truth to me... something that i hate to admit, but i guess its true... she said "since when have u become so pessismistic..." when i come to think of it, i used to look on the bright side of things... no matter how glum the situation may seem like, im always able to find a way to look at it from another angle... but ever since then, i dare not hope for much... i dare not even think of looking at it from another view... after seeing something so full of hope burst like a bubble right in my face, how can i convince myself that it wont happen again?

im gona fight my battles alone.................................

Im Damn Pissed !!!

i took the effort and limited resources that i have to organise a freaking bbq for my frenz (army, poly, sec) and end up what do i get? i get **** up attitude and a pissed off time of bbq... can you imagine that peopl who volunteer to help u out by coming earlier, tell u at the last minute that they cant make it, or they dont even bother to inform you that they will be late or cant even make it at all? giving lame excuses doesnt exactly help to appease the situation as well...

i think some people really think that we owe them something... after eating, they dont even bother to help to clear up... i had to clear up the whole area until the end where some people helped me out... grateful to those who helped me out there ;) to those who 'kindly' offered to help out when there was nothing left to clear, go figure...

if u ppl think that just because i have a car, im obliged to drive u ppl around, please think about it again... im not ur chauffeur...

sometimes, people dont realise that it is their small actions that turn people off... maybe they are too insensitive to realise it, but i must say there is a limit to it...

maybe im too frustrated and irritated right now, thats why im feeling so pissed off... not to mention the toothache that im having right now... hopefully tml will be fine... but then, i want to thank those who came and did help out... thanks alot =)