haha... finally decided on the place to go... i must admit it wasnt easy to decide since she got so much preferences... lol... but yea... we decided on Sentosa... roughly roughly i know where to go and what to do tml... lets just hope everything turns out well ;)
will post pictures if there is when i get back so im off to bed now otherwise i wont be able to wake up on time tml =pPp
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
YAY !!! =X
hahaha... i finally made it =pPp i realise today would be one week since we knew each other... and we have been sms-ing each other so much... everyday without fail we are sure to msg each other, tho im the one who always starts the conversation going... but then she will nv fail to reply my sms or ask me stuff... haha... we will always msg till she goes to bed... finally, she agreed to go out with me on sat... even though she has to be back by 5pm cause of family commitments, i still think its good enough... just need to change some of my plans ;)
hopefully everything will go well on that day... ahahaha...
hopefully everything will go well on that day... ahahaha...
=D and =(
im happy because besides msging her today, we talked on the phone... haha... although it wasnt a long one because she wanted to watch DanceFloor, at least we started talking on the phone... haha... hopefully she will be willing to go out on sat... *pRayS*
im unhappy because SHE MSGED ME ON MSN AND I WAS AWAY DOING OTHER STUFF !!! and i didnt see it till its too late... arghX... i missed talking to her on msn... haiz... hopefully there will be other chances... haiz...
im unhappy because SHE MSGED ME ON MSN AND I WAS AWAY DOING OTHER STUFF !!! and i didnt see it till its too late... arghX... i missed talking to her on msn... haiz... hopefully there will be other chances... haiz...
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Msg Count Is Up =pPp
haha... i think i have been using alot of sms this past few days since fri night... lol... think got at least 100 in 4days... haha... but i think its alright lar... worth it i hope... anyway, we spent another day sms-ing each other again... i called her in the noon but then she was working so wasnt convenient to talk so yea, we put down after a few sentences :( ... anyway i will find another chance to call her again... haiz... dont know if i should ask her out this weekend or not lehX... feel like asking n feel like its about time, but then i scared fail again... sianz... she told me that horoscope is very accurate especially about a person's character and personality... sotong also seems to think so... cant find a decent webbie that says about it lehX... maybe will go bookstall and find... good thing about today is that i got her msn le =D *YiPpIe* haha... hopefully things will move on a little faster... may n may not ask her on thurs... see how first bahX...
Monday, March 26, 2007
Another Interesting Convo
"haha... my fren put me aeroplane today... so now stuck with nowhere to go for dinner le..."
"lol... where u suppose to go initially? go home la, haha..."
"lol... suppose to meet my fren go bugis get some stuff and dinner but now cancel le... so i have nowhere to go unless someone ask me out for dinner..."
"haha... u giving me hints izzit?"
"lol... actually it nv crossed my mind, but since u said it, thats not a bad idea after all... haha..."
"lol i not free la, i teaching tuition later, so u should go home... haha..."
"hmm... maybe i really should go on diet instead =X"
"haha... ya... go on diet dont eat..."
"lol... ur the first person to support me when i say go on diet... other ppl keep telling me to eat and eat and eat... heeX..."
"ya they were right to tell u to eat more... im supposed to be the one going on diet leh but i cant control... haha..."
"lol... ur the skinny one so cannot go diet... must eat more... =pPp"
"no lar, where got skinny, its only an illusion, haha, i only look thin... so have u decided where to eat?"
"haha... tot u ask me go on diet le?"
"i joking one lar... guys must eat otherwise got no energy... if scared fat den can go exercise mahX..."
"lol... y do i feel as if someone is dropping hints for me to join her for dinner... lol..."
"well actually, i have no company for dinner as well... haha but im rushing for tuition so im eating at my student's house..."
**continues..........................
its been fun sms-ing her... hopefully we can move on to phone conversations soon bahx... hmmz... one step at a time ;)
"lol... where u suppose to go initially? go home la, haha..."
"lol... suppose to meet my fren go bugis get some stuff and dinner but now cancel le... so i have nowhere to go unless someone ask me out for dinner..."
"haha... u giving me hints izzit?"
"lol... actually it nv crossed my mind, but since u said it, thats not a bad idea after all... haha..."
"lol i not free la, i teaching tuition later, so u should go home... haha..."
"hmm... maybe i really should go on diet instead =X"
"haha... ya... go on diet dont eat..."
"lol... ur the first person to support me when i say go on diet... other ppl keep telling me to eat and eat and eat... heeX..."
"ya they were right to tell u to eat more... im supposed to be the one going on diet leh but i cant control... haha..."
"lol... ur the skinny one so cannot go diet... must eat more... =pPp"
"no lar, where got skinny, its only an illusion, haha, i only look thin... so have u decided where to eat?"
"haha... tot u ask me go on diet le?"
"i joking one lar... guys must eat otherwise got no energy... if scared fat den can go exercise mahX..."
"lol... y do i feel as if someone is dropping hints for me to join her for dinner... lol..."
"well actually, i have no company for dinner as well... haha but im rushing for tuition so im eating at my student's house..."
**continues..........................
its been fun sms-ing her... hopefully we can move on to phone conversations soon bahx... hmmz... one step at a time ;)
Sunday, March 25, 2007
I Wont Fail Again !!!
finally decided to ask if she wanted to go catch a movie today... but i decided to sms instead of call... haha...
"well i got 1 free movie tix gona expire, so tot of asking u if u wana go catch a movie today"
"haha... i got 2 free movie tix but today i going my grandma house in the evening"
"haha... take it as an excuse to ask u out lorx..."
"uhm... to tell u the truth, i dont believe in relationships based on appearance, so i think u should change ur target..."
"uh... i also dont believe in that... i see u only as a fren and not someone im going after... so dont get the wrong idea ;) "
"ohh really !!! heeX... thats good cause i got frenz who suffered because of that.........................."
ok... so i failed on my first attempt... but I WONT FAIL ANOTHER TIME !!! at first i was scared that she would be frightened but then after i said that i see her as a fren, she was relieved and everything was back to normal... haha... we have been sms-ing each other since 12pm... i wonder if it will last till we go to slp... i think this is a good sign that things are ok and there might be a chance bahX... just got to take things slowly ;) soon bahX... soon will ask her out again when i got the confidence she will agree... actually i think im glad that i asked her out yesterday even though it failed and she almost got the wrong idea cause that allowed me to see her better as a person...
"well i got 1 free movie tix gona expire, so tot of asking u if u wana go catch a movie today"
"haha... i got 2 free movie tix but today i going my grandma house in the evening"
"haha... take it as an excuse to ask u out lorx..."
"uhm... to tell u the truth, i dont believe in relationships based on appearance, so i think u should change ur target..."
"uh... i also dont believe in that... i see u only as a fren and not someone im going after... so dont get the wrong idea ;) "
"ohh really !!! heeX... thats good cause i got frenz who suffered because of that.........................."
ok... so i failed on my first attempt... but I WONT FAIL ANOTHER TIME !!! at first i was scared that she would be frightened but then after i said that i see her as a fren, she was relieved and everything was back to normal... haha... we have been sms-ing each other since 12pm... i wonder if it will last till we go to slp... i think this is a good sign that things are ok and there might be a chance bahX... just got to take things slowly ;) soon bahX... soon will ask her out again when i got the confidence she will agree... actually i think im glad that i asked her out yesterday even though it failed and she almost got the wrong idea cause that allowed me to see her better as a person...
Second Night Running
hmm i was like thinking how how how... should i msg now or tonight or tml ??? what should i msg ??? haha... i finally msged at night on the way to grandlink with seng... heeX... we msged all the way till she went to bed... was fun lar... only thing was that when i asked for her msn, she said she have but seldom online so i didnt press on for it... now i have to think about something else first...
i think yesterday was the happiest that i have been comapred to the past few times i went out with cyn and co... i felt different... not as tied down as before... maybe i finally managed to turn my focus somewhere else... somewhere that is happier than brood over old stuff...
i think yesterday was the happiest that i have been comapred to the past few times i went out with cyn and co... i felt different... not as tied down as before... maybe i finally managed to turn my focus somewhere else... somewhere that is happier than brood over old stuff...
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Suprised but Glad =)
if u ask me, i still cant believe it happen, but yea it did happen... it was my first time doing it so i was a kinda scared but at least its over and it did reap rewards... hopefully this is only the first step in it, and will move on to better things ;)
thnX man =X
thnX man =X
Thursday, March 22, 2007
I FEEL SO F***** UP !!!
dont know why but.......
I FEEL SO F***** UP !!!
haiz... another of my mood swing again...
I FEEL SO F***** UP !!!
haiz... another of my mood swing again...
Lalalalalala
the medical doctor i went to today diagnosed that i have frozen shoulder... just great... another major headache for me... haiz... keep it coming -.-" my dad has it so i should know what it is about... lalala...
Description
Frozen shoulder (adhesive capsulitis) is a disorder characterized by pain and loss of motion or stiffness in the shoulder. It affects about two percent of the general population. It is more common in women between the ages of 40 years to 70 years old. The causes of frozen shoulder are not fully understood. The process involves thickening and contracture of the capsule surrounding the shoulder joint. A doctor can diagnose frozen shoulder based on the history of the patient's symptoms and physical examination. X-rays or MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) studies are sometimes used to rule out other causes of shoulder stiffness and pain, such as rotator cuff tear.
weeeeeeeeeeee... the doc referred me to a specialist at mmi... not sure where but i heard is at NUS there... the medic was suppose to call me by the end of today to let me know of the appointment date and time... but apparently either he forgot or he didnt bother to let me know... so now im at a loss... haiz...
Description
Frozen shoulder (adhesive capsulitis) is a disorder characterized by pain and loss of motion or stiffness in the shoulder. It affects about two percent of the general population. It is more common in women between the ages of 40 years to 70 years old. The causes of frozen shoulder are not fully understood. The process involves thickening and contracture of the capsule surrounding the shoulder joint. A doctor can diagnose frozen shoulder based on the history of the patient's symptoms and physical examination. X-rays or MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) studies are sometimes used to rule out other causes of shoulder stiffness and pain, such as rotator cuff tear.
weeeeeeeeeeee... the doc referred me to a specialist at mmi... not sure where but i heard is at NUS there... the medic was suppose to call me by the end of today to let me know of the appointment date and time... but apparently either he forgot or he didnt bother to let me know... so now im at a loss... haiz...
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Lost
Im at a lost right now... i dont know who i am at the moment... and i dont know what im doing... i tot all this time i have started to forget about her or at least not think so much about her... but when i see how well she is leading her life atm... how she is enjoying life atm, i cant help but think of how things would have been...
the past few nights i felt so irritated and frustrated... i dont know what was the cause of it... but i can only remember that u were always there to calm me down, to listen to me in the past... but now, i cant even hear ur voice anymore...
when i had problems in camp, u were always there to give me advice on what to do... i really miss those days...
u were my motivation in the past, regardless of what i did... i just had to think of you, and i will have all the motivation i need to complete the tasks no matter how hard it was... but now, when i wana look for a motivation, i cant think of any... i just feel like giving up... i really do...
*anyway its gona rain tonight, i hope u got ur blanket on, cause u always nv bother to cover urself*
the past few nights i felt so irritated and frustrated... i dont know what was the cause of it... but i can only remember that u were always there to calm me down, to listen to me in the past... but now, i cant even hear ur voice anymore...
when i had problems in camp, u were always there to give me advice on what to do... i really miss those days...
u were my motivation in the past, regardless of what i did... i just had to think of you, and i will have all the motivation i need to complete the tasks no matter how hard it was... but now, when i wana look for a motivation, i cant think of any... i just feel like giving up... i really do...
*anyway its gona rain tonight, i hope u got ur blanket on, cause u always nv bother to cover urself*
Monday, March 19, 2007
5566 - 存在
歌曲：存在
歌手：5566 专辑：西街少年电视原声带
你说着我听着像海浪打着沙滩烧着
你的忧伤大于快乐连彩虹都只剩下一种颜色
我听着你说着像刀子划的隐隐痛着
就因为爱没有规则所以心痛了死了回不去了
但是我存在着我一直存在着
和你一起的照片仍在我的手机上贴着
爱会永远永远你说的
离开我的时候却没舍不得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
不管是疯的气的我受着我紧紧手握着
傻傻的陪着守着证明你值得
但我会笑着因为一切都值得
你说着我听着像海浪打着沙滩烧着
你的忧伤大于快乐连彩虹都只剩下一种颜色
我听着你说着像刀子划的隐隐痛着
就因为爱没有规则所以心痛了死了回不去了
但是我存在着我一直存在着
和你一起的照片仍在我的手机上贴着
爱会永远永远你说的
离开我的时候却没舍不得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
不管是疯的气的我受着我紧紧手握着
傻傻的陪着守着证明你值得
但我会笑着因为一切都值得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
和你一起的照片仍在我的手机上贴着
爱会永远永远你说的
离开我的时候却没舍不得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
不管是疯的气的我受着我紧紧手握着
傻傻的陪着守着证明你值得
但我会笑着因为一切都值得
歌手：5566 专辑：西街少年电视原声带
你说着我听着像海浪打着沙滩烧着
你的忧伤大于快乐连彩虹都只剩下一种颜色
我听着你说着像刀子划的隐隐痛着
就因为爱没有规则所以心痛了死了回不去了
但是我存在着我一直存在着
和你一起的照片仍在我的手机上贴着
爱会永远永远你说的
离开我的时候却没舍不得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
不管是疯的气的我受着我紧紧手握着
傻傻的陪着守着证明你值得
但我会笑着因为一切都值得
你说着我听着像海浪打着沙滩烧着
你的忧伤大于快乐连彩虹都只剩下一种颜色
我听着你说着像刀子划的隐隐痛着
就因为爱没有规则所以心痛了死了回不去了
但是我存在着我一直存在着
和你一起的照片仍在我的手机上贴着
爱会永远永远你说的
离开我的时候却没舍不得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
不管是疯的气的我受着我紧紧手握着
傻傻的陪着守着证明你值得
但我会笑着因为一切都值得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
和你一起的照片仍在我的手机上贴着
爱会永远永远你说的
离开我的时候却没舍不得
我真的存在着我一直存在着
不管是疯的气的我受着我紧紧手握着
傻傻的陪着守着证明你值得
但我会笑着因为一切都值得
Will I Come Out Stronger ???
i realised that ever since i broke up, bad luck has been hounding me at my doorstep... so far i have not given in to despair yet... but im not sure how much longer i can hold on... things seem to be getting worse each day... im faced with uncertainty... even things that i used to be confident of are now things that im not so sure of anymore...
take today for example, i got scolded by my mum for not helping to carry stuff they bought when they went shopping... harlo ??? i cant carry heavy stuff remember ??? i even got problems lifting my arm so how m i suppose to carry them... my mum also said that im treating the house as a hotel since im not making any contribution to it when i told my dad i got problem washing the dishes should he volunteer to cook dinner... in the end, i didnt even have dinner to eat -.-
there's a limit to how much each person can take... mine is almost at the limit... i dont know how much more i can take it... unless my world changes, i doubt it will last for long... im just living each day as it is... taking things one step at a time, hopefully time will heal all wounds...
should i one day be able to walk out of this nightmare, will i be stronger that i originally was... will that make me a changed man? at this point of time, nothing is for certain... will i attempt to walk out alone or will i be supported... thats another uncertainty as well...
take today for example, i got scolded by my mum for not helping to carry stuff they bought when they went shopping... harlo ??? i cant carry heavy stuff remember ??? i even got problems lifting my arm so how m i suppose to carry them... my mum also said that im treating the house as a hotel since im not making any contribution to it when i told my dad i got problem washing the dishes should he volunteer to cook dinner... in the end, i didnt even have dinner to eat -.-
there's a limit to how much each person can take... mine is almost at the limit... i dont know how much more i can take it... unless my world changes, i doubt it will last for long... im just living each day as it is... taking things one step at a time, hopefully time will heal all wounds...
should i one day be able to walk out of this nightmare, will i be stronger that i originally was... will that make me a changed man? at this point of time, nothing is for certain... will i attempt to walk out alone or will i be supported... thats another uncertainty as well...
Sunday, March 18, 2007
I Miss Her
dreamt of u twice last night... beautiful dreams of the both of us... but then again it was just a dream... when i woke up, how i wished u were just beside me... i really do...
i cant find any reason to hate u or be angry with u for whatever it is... i just find myself still missing you everyday... somewhere deep down, u still live...
everyone is telling me to let go of u, saying u aint worth it, but i know u are... i wana let go but plz teach me how...
while looking thru the photos we took during our time together, memories started to float into my mind... how i missed those days we had... cant help but think of you...
i cant find any reason to hate u or be angry with u for whatever it is... i just find myself still missing you everyday... somewhere deep down, u still live...
everyone is telling me to let go of u, saying u aint worth it, but i know u are... i wana let go but plz teach me how...
while looking thru the photos we took during our time together, memories started to float into my mind... how i missed those days we had... cant help but think of you...
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Its Been One Month
yep... exactly one month has passed since we broke up... time seems to fly so fast... in these past month, i still think of you everyday... i missed all the things that we used to do and all the times we spent together... our laughter and quarrels... really wished i could have turned back time so that i can hold u in my arms again...
im glad and happy for you that u have moved on with your life and found someone better than me to take care of you... dont ever be like me... im just a failure when it comes to love... maybe im destined to be alone...
just watched finished a serial drama with my parents... whats the story about is not important... the important part was that the leading actress and the leading actor resembled our situation... they came from different family backgrounds and values in life... realising this, she decided to break up with the guy, and no matter how hard the guy tries to convince her that they can overcome the problems n barriers between them, she still chose to break up with him because she didnt want to wait for a few years only to find that they are unsuitable for each other and regret the decision she made... the only difference between them n us is that at the end of the show, they decided to give it a try to overcome, not like us... u chose to give it up n no matter what i do or promise just didnt change the fact that we broke up...
maybe u are right... who knows what will happen in a few years time when we both grow older... maybe we will miss one another again then... maybe we might get back together again... im just deceiving myself right now... i know its almost impossible, but let me keep that bit of hope... i still remember what i said to u the night we broke up... i hope u remember cause thats a promise i will keep... the key will be the proof... it will be our promise...
atm, im just putting on a pretence... i dont want u to worry about me... cause i dont need ur sympathy... n i dont want ur kindness... and most of all i dont want to destroy the friendship that we have now... forgive me for being unable to let u go... forgive me for loving u too deeply to let u go so easily... im broken up inside, but u wont get to see the tears i cry... cause its just me now...
im glad and happy for you that u have moved on with your life and found someone better than me to take care of you... dont ever be like me... im just a failure when it comes to love... maybe im destined to be alone...
just watched finished a serial drama with my parents... whats the story about is not important... the important part was that the leading actress and the leading actor resembled our situation... they came from different family backgrounds and values in life... realising this, she decided to break up with the guy, and no matter how hard the guy tries to convince her that they can overcome the problems n barriers between them, she still chose to break up with him because she didnt want to wait for a few years only to find that they are unsuitable for each other and regret the decision she made... the only difference between them n us is that at the end of the show, they decided to give it a try to overcome, not like us... u chose to give it up n no matter what i do or promise just didnt change the fact that we broke up...
maybe u are right... who knows what will happen in a few years time when we both grow older... maybe we will miss one another again then... maybe we might get back together again... im just deceiving myself right now... i know its almost impossible, but let me keep that bit of hope... i still remember what i said to u the night we broke up... i hope u remember cause thats a promise i will keep... the key will be the proof... it will be our promise...
atm, im just putting on a pretence... i dont want u to worry about me... cause i dont need ur sympathy... n i dont want ur kindness... and most of all i dont want to destroy the friendship that we have now... forgive me for being unable to let u go... forgive me for loving u too deeply to let u go so easily... im broken up inside, but u wont get to see the tears i cry... cause its just me now...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
So Much To Say n Think About
there's so much that i wana say and so much things to think about that i dont feel like posting it now... maybe next time i will but at the moment lets just leave it as it is...
芮恩 - 是谁
歌曲：是谁
歌手：芮恩 专辑：芮恩ruien同名专辑
作词:方文山
作曲:林迈可
这场雪隔着橱窗了解
玻璃外面的你在另一个世界
这条街握着温热咖啡
想起有些事永远没办法解决
我用那轻描淡写
一笔一划的彩绘
形容感情上濒临的决裂还有心碎
问你对方是谁
你闭上嘴沉默以对
我眼睛泛着泪
对方是谁应该很美
我有点累祝福你有她陪
那绿叶不懂凋谢的季节
我却清楚你要分手前的差别
那夏夜不懂得满天风雪
我也不懂你说的永远是哪些
Do You Remember?
Do you remember
Nights when the moon shone in all its glory
Of us embracing on the balcony
I remember
Do you remember
Waking up to a face you once loved so dearly
Kissing me awake, slowly but surely
I remember
Do you remember
Five hundred and twelve seeds of deep rose red
Its underlying meaning loud and unsaid
I remember
Do you remember
Poems you wrote singing into my heart
And chocolate kisses before each time we part
I remember
Do you remember
Loving me as I have loved you
Whispering promises which pulled me through
I remember
Do you?
Nights when the moon shone in all its glory
Of us embracing on the balcony
I remember
Do you remember
Waking up to a face you once loved so dearly
Kissing me awake, slowly but surely
I remember
Do you remember
Five hundred and twelve seeds of deep rose red
Its underlying meaning loud and unsaid
I remember
Do you remember
Poems you wrote singing into my heart
And chocolate kisses before each time we part
I remember
Do you remember
Loving me as I have loved you
Whispering promises which pulled me through
I remember
Do you?
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I Can't Make You Love Me
Turn down the lights,
turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
-- Bonnie Raitt
turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
-- Bonnie Raitt
The Things We Never Did
i keep on thinking... what would we be like now if we never broke up... would we still be as loving as before or would we grow further apart... recently i have been going to places that we spent time together at... be it eating places, places we used to go shopping at, places where we used to celebrate our special occassions... the shelter in pasiri ris park where we spent our first valentine's day, the beef noodles store where we first tried at tampines, the first day we got together... i still remember all of these scenes very clearly... i can still remember what we said and what happened... as i past by these places, ur image just floats into my mind, reminding me of our past... our happiness and our sadness... i've also been to places that i wished i knew of earlier, so that we could have gone there... i know u would have liked to go to these places... we could have gone to Acid Bar after one day of shopping at town... im sure u will like the ambience and drinks there... we could have gone to sentosa in the noon and sun-tan there like u always liked until evening then we could head down to Cafe Del Mar for a drink n club... u always like that kind of things... i just wished i had known of these places earlier so that we could have gone together... i missed all the things that we used to do together...
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Behind These Hazel Eyes
KELLY CLARKSON
"Behind These Hazel Eyes"
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
"Behind These Hazel Eyes"
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Feeling So Damn Lousy
i dont know why im feeling so down all of a sudden... its already been for a few days... m i still affected by it... haiz... i thought i was getting better already, but suddenly it comes back again... arghX...
you say i dont have a mind of what i intend to do in the future... you say as a result u dont see a future with the 2 of us in it... you say i dont have any ambitions or aspirations... you say all of these to me... but look at yourself now... do u know what u wana do already? have u decided what course u wana do? isnt what u are going thru what i went thru earlier... of the things that u accuse me of.............
maybe what im saying is wrong again or untrue... but it seems pretty obviouse isnt it... maybe i should thank you for showing me what this world is really like... i just about lost faith in everything i once believed in... it will take a whole lot of miracles to change what im thinking right now...
you say i dont have a mind of what i intend to do in the future... you say as a result u dont see a future with the 2 of us in it... you say i dont have any ambitions or aspirations... you say all of these to me... but look at yourself now... do u know what u wana do already? have u decided what course u wana do? isnt what u are going thru what i went thru earlier... of the things that u accuse me of.............
maybe what im saying is wrong again or untrue... but it seems pretty obviouse isnt it... maybe i should thank you for showing me what this world is really like... i just about lost faith in everything i once believed in... it will take a whole lot of miracles to change what im thinking right now...
Monday, March 5, 2007
"Yeah Right"
Horoscope for the week:
Aquarius [Jan 21 - Feb 19]
Unattached Aquarians will be feeling the pull of permanent relationships - what an idea time to get hitched! All partnerships, whether personal or professionsl, are riped for resuscitation. At work, do make an extra effort to keep an employer sweet at the end of the week.
"unattached aquarians will be feeling the pull of permanent relationships - what an idea time to get hitched!"
how i wished this was really true... its true to the extent that im looking for a perm relationship, but is this the right time to do so?
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Would-Be 3rd Anniversary
today would actually have been our 3rd anniversary together... but sadly it ended 2weeks early... at this point of time i dont know if im to say that im feeling sad or what, but i just know that its a pity...
today past by pretty ok... i did think of it, but i tried to keep myself busy... before, i kept thinking how m i gonna go thru this day without u... but i managed to do it...
i just wana find back my usual self... my optimistic self... my happy-go-lucky self... i think it will take time but im slowly finding back the lost bits of me... hope it continues...
today past by pretty ok... i did think of it, but i tried to keep myself busy... before, i kept thinking how m i gonna go thru this day without u... but i managed to do it...
i just wana find back my usual self... my optimistic self... my happy-go-lucky self... i think it will take time but im slowly finding back the lost bits of me... hope it continues...
Friday, March 2, 2007
And Forgive Me
You forgive me for liking you too much,
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.
You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.
You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.
You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.
You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I'll forgive you for not noticing.
You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.
You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.
You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.
You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.
You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.
Forgiveness brings inner peace.
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.
You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.
You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.
You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.
You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I'll forgive you for not noticing.
You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.
You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.
You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.
You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.
You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.
Forgiveness brings inner peace.
Being True To Myself
like i have said earlier, this would be the place where my closest and most barest feelings can be found... so i wont hold back on saying what i feel...
y is it people have to conceal their feelings in front of others... y is it people are so afraid of letting others know what they really feel... is it because they are afraid of people seeing their weakness... or is it because they dont want the sympathy that people show them upon knowing of their true feelings... i think its a mixture of these 2 reasons plus a few more others... who would want others to see them when they are at their weakest state... who would want others to see them when they have fallen... i guess thats why every1 puts on a strong front in front of others...
if i were to say that i dont think of her any more, or that i dont think of her that much, then i would just be bluffing myself... if i tell u that i dont know what will happen when i meet her or her n her new bf on the streets what will happen to me, then im also lying... cause i know jolly well for a fact that, i will be even more upset than before... it has happened before in a 10 month relationship, so a 3 year relationship would have been much worse... even just reading up on her everyday life is enough to cause me sleepless nights, whatabout meeting her face to face... i really dont know what to expect...
but if one day she decides to come back, i will still be waiting for her.............................................
y is it people have to conceal their feelings in front of others... y is it people are so afraid of letting others know what they really feel... is it because they are afraid of people seeing their weakness... or is it because they dont want the sympathy that people show them upon knowing of their true feelings... i think its a mixture of these 2 reasons plus a few more others... who would want others to see them when they are at their weakest state... who would want others to see them when they have fallen... i guess thats why every1 puts on a strong front in front of others...
if i were to say that i dont think of her any more, or that i dont think of her that much, then i would just be bluffing myself... if i tell u that i dont know what will happen when i meet her or her n her new bf on the streets what will happen to me, then im also lying... cause i know jolly well for a fact that, i will be even more upset than before... it has happened before in a 10 month relationship, so a 3 year relationship would have been much worse... even just reading up on her everyday life is enough to cause me sleepless nights, whatabout meeting her face to face... i really dont know what to expect...
but if one day she decides to come back, i will still be waiting for her.............................................
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Success and True Love
All these while i have been doing a lot of thinking... what was it that went wrong... what was it that caused the relationship to just end like that... at first, i couldnt find an answer to any of the questions that keep appearing in my mind... its almost driving me crazy... finally, i came to understand or so i think i have...
suddenly i just feel that in life, being successful is what makes one happy... if u are not successful, if you dont have money, if u dont have a place in society, ur as good as done for... when u dont have these factors, u start to lose things that u hold important in your life, people look at you in a different way, like ur some kind of alien...
i used to believe that in life - money, success, and a place in society - is not what makes one happy... and they are definitely not what makes a person... but after this incident, i realised that without these, u are nothing... i learnt it the hard way this time... when ur rich, u are able to spend on things that you like, things that others like, to impress others... when ur financially capable, u can just about get anything u want... u compare a rich working guy to a guy who due to personal commitments hasnt started work... u compare a graduate with a person who hasnt begun his undergrad studies... u compare one who has a high status in a big company with one who hasnt had the chance to start work... look at all these examples, which one holds the advantage...
i wont say that all girls will go for the guy that has everything, but the society has changed so much from the past that past traditions no longer work the same way any longer... in the past, i would still believe that true love exist... i would believe that people look for love more than what can be satisfied materialistically... but look at the society now... if true love did exist, would there be so many heartbroken people out there, just waiting for their wounds to heal n to wait to fall in love again... and would there still be people who after such a long time, still find that their wounds hasnt healed, and each day they are crying out for them to be at peace... if true love really exist, would there still be so many lonely hearts out there...
i also used to think that love means to be able to accept the shortcomings of one another, to be able to believe that ur partner will always think for the both of you... i used to believe in true love, but not anymore... maybe one day someone will teach me how to love, and prove me wrong that true love does exist after all, but thats when it happens...
maybe im wrong, maybe all these that i have said is just thinking on my part, but this is exactly how im feeling right now... and i have never felt so strongly about things before...
for me now, im targetting my success n planning out my route... some of u may find that its a total change in my thinking, but that's because i changed due to circumstances...
Introduction To My Blog
just a little intro to this blog of mine... this would be a place where i wana say or post something, but it wouldnt be right to post on the alternate blog... this would be the place where all my inner feelings will be kept, as a memory... something that not many people will come to know about...
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