When I Think About The Past

sometimes, it feels good just sitting up in bed with the lights turned off and thinking about things... that sense of tranquility is so soothing to the mind and heart... but sometimes, when i start to think about the past, it kind of dampens the emotions...

i thought that i have completely forgotten about the past, about her, about the times we had spent together, be it happy or sad... things that should have been forgotten, resurfaced again... is it because i have been comparing the both of them, only to find that there are certain aspects that i see in yj n not in eileen? is it because certain things that i love or like can only be found in yj and not eileen? eileen would actually fit the qualities of a girlfriend im looking for. someone who is simple, who doesnt put on any make up or maybe a little, doesnt spend much... she is the direct opposite of yj... but if she is what i have always wanted, den why is it i keep comparing her to yj in terms of things that im hoping for... maybe i need some more time to get over yj completely, but i still want to be together with eileen? i know i like eileen, but i still need time to get over the previous relationship... time is something i hope that i still have... i dont want to think of the past, can i?

seems like a lot of thoughts have been going through my mind these few days...

when i was watching tv earlier, there was an advertisement on a documentary featuring ppl with different talents. this led me to think of the party that yj once attended, one that i regretted letting her go for, but oh well thats not the point... the point is that at that party she told me of all the ppl she met... even though they were ppl who held good jobs, some were very good with drawing, the others had individual talents... den when i think of myself, i just cant find something that im good at... i cant find an individual talent that im proud of myself to have... i cant draw that well, i cant sing that well, i cant do anything well at all... true, alot of ppl are saying that i can give them good advice, im always there to help them, but all these are not a talent... its just plain old me trying to do the least that i can do... i cant think of anything that i can do, that others cant, and there's nothing for me to be proud of myself... maybe im low on self-confidence at the moment... *sigh* will someone please tell me something that im good at? something that i should feel proud of myself for?

i just feel so miserable atm... i want to tell someone especially eileen everything, but who's willing to listen... is she ready to know what has happened, or am i the one whos not ready for it?